How to Manage Your Child’s Media

Training our children and grandchildren to be tech-wise and digitally self-controlled for God’s glory

By Dr. Josh Mulvihill

Digital technology is useful, like guns and painkillers and fire and razor-sharp knives and lots of other things that can ruin our lives. I’m grateful for knives. I use one daily, but I would never give one to my child without careful oversight, nor would I hand my child a gun without proper training. The same is true with screens, the internet, and media usage. We must teach our children and grandchildren how to navigate media by explaining the value and the dangers, training them to use it as we would any tool, and showing them how to be tech-wise and digitally self-controlled for God’s glory.

Media is a powerful shaping influence in the lives of young people. George Barna believes, “The most significant influence on the development of a worldview in America today is what we absorb from the media.” He continued, “And if that’s the case, then that says to me as a parent or a grandparent or somebody who cares about the development of the worldview of children that I’ve got to pay attention to what media are investing in those children’s minds and hearts.”¹

Barna’s perspective is consistent with the words of theologian Kevin Vanhoozer: “Popular culture—more so than the academy or the church— has become the arena where most people work out their understanding of the true, the good, and the beautiful.” Media should be recognized for what it is: a form of digital discipleship. We must be intentional about what we allow our children to watch, listen to, read, and play. A digital discipleship strategy includes protecting children from unbiblical views and unrighteous behaviors in media and intentionally utilizing it to help our children develop a biblical worldview.

5 Tips to Manage Media in the Home

Be intentional with media use
Think about your motive and purpose for your children’s media usage. What purpose does it serve in their life? What is a child gaining from technology use? What pitfalls need to be protected against? Media should serve us, not enslave us. It should help build relationships, not harm them. It should help us become more like Jesus, not sin against Him. Ultimately, how can media be used to help us raise our children to know, love, and serve Jesus? What shows, podcasts, or music will help us disciple our children with a biblical worldview?

Limit screen usage
How much time do your children spend on screens each day? On average, children spend seven hours per day on screens, according to the CDC. For teenagers, it’s nine hours per day. That equates to 106-136 days of media usage per year (24 hours per day)! Let those numbers sink in for a moment. That’s a lot of time. If we’re honest, media occupies more of our children’s time than most of us realize.

Radically reducing media has been a blessing in our family. Our conversation has increased, and time previously wasted on screens is now being used in more productive ways. We aren’t living vicariously through others on a screen. We’ve limited screen usage by having screen-free times at home, including mealtime. We take technology breaks as a family. We even got rid of video games and removed the television. A few years ago, we sold our PlayStation. Our children cried and begged us not to. We thought we might win the award for worst parents of the year, but in the end, it was a great decision. We don’t miss it. So, we also removed our television from the living room and placed it in a closet. We didn’t miss television, especially as we began to find other enjoyable ways of using our time, such as playing a game as a family, reading aloud, or working in the garden. Now we have a framed TV on our wall, which looks like a painting when it’s not on. We rarely watch anything during the spring and summer. We selectively and intentionally watch things during the colder seasons in Minnesota. We have the television password protected, and our children must get permission to turn it on. We’ve learned not to be afraid to say no to media.

Replace screens with better options
Screen time makes children moody, bored, and lazy. Their minds become over-entertained so that real life seems dull. Boredom dies away as media usage goes down. Screens make children depressed and unmotivated, and they reduce physical activity levels. Screens are as addictive as any drug, go right to the brain’s pleasure center, and impact brain function.² Instead of screens, we prioritize time outdoors and surround our children with good books.

What do our children do with all the extra time they gain from not playing video games or watching much TV? They go outside. They play in the woods, build a fort, make a bonfire, shoot a pellet gun, pick flowers, swing on swings, tend to animals, explore a creek, go sledding, dig in the dirt, climb trees, cut firewood, or throw a ball. If our children don’t need a bath every night, they aren’t playing hard enough. A good day for our children is when they come inside sweaty, dirty, and tired. Children need to play, move, and be outdoors.

A must-read book is The Last Child in the Woods, which coins the term “Nature Deficit Disorder” and explains how an obsession with being indoors and electronic media, combined with parental fears of the outdoors and relinquishment of being in nature, are connected with depression, obesity, and disorders in children.

Great books are a wonderful replacement for screens. Roald Dahl’s advice has been good for our family: “So please, oh please, we beg, we pray/ Go throw your TV set away/ And in its place, you can install/ A lovely bookshelf on the wall/ Then fill the shelves with lots of books.”

Reading great books out loud has become a favorite family activity in our home. What a joy it is to experience the greatest books together! Books read aloud together shape your family culture, become the topic of conversation, and provide fantastic entertainment and endless discipleship opportunities. Snuggle up on the couch and read books that will enrich their imagination and shape their character. Purchase books your children will love to read, and be intentional in choosing books that will shape the biblical worldview of your children. Our children’s favorite books are The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson, the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder, and books by Roald Dahl, J.R.R. Tolkien, and C.S. Lewis.

Set boundaries for media use
You are the gatekeeper. You have to set boundaries with media usage so that it can be utilized in a productive, positive manner in your home. Boundaries are fences, and fences are good things. Fences protect from danger, prevent children from wandering, and provide freedom in a designated space. If your child displays negative behavior due to media usage, take action, remove or reduce that media source, and explain why. Do not give a child unmonitored, unrestricted access to the internet. If pornography enters the picture, take decisive action by cutting off access. The moral and spiritual damage from porn is serious and long-term, so fight porn in your family with everything you’ve got. Put internet filters and accountability tools in place to help a child succeed. We’ve used Circle (meetcircle.com) as a whole-house filtering tool and found it helpful.

Consider a detox for children who have been given too much freedom with technology. You may need to hit the refresh button and establish new boundaries and guidelines. When new boundaries are placed on technology, be prepared to answer your child’s questions. Parents need to model healthy online behavior, so new media expectations should also apply to you.

Monitor messages in media
Wherever your children are, you need to be there too. Whatever your children are watching, reading, or listening to, you need to as well. Before your children can access something, download it, listen to it, watch it, research it, and determine if it is appropriate. We’ve utilized Plugged In from Focus on the Family to help us in this way. Have conversations about the messages that are communicated in media. Help your children filter what they are consuming through the Bible so that they do not absorb unbiblical views or values.

Delay giving children devices until they are truly needed. Our family only allows our children to own a smartphone once they drive. We have one family computer, password-protected and kept in the living room. No social media is allowed. We must approve all app and music downloads. We gradually give older children more freedom under the watchful eye of parents. Greater freedoms should be granted when maturity and responsibility are displayed. A goal to consider: Children should be able to handle the internet and make their own media choices before leaving the home, as they will need the discernment and fortitude to navigate the pressures and temptations on their own. Recognize that allowing greater freedom does not mean that you are hands-off. There are tools and apps that allow you to see what children are doing online, monitor time usage, and place boundaries on technology use.

Media is a tool that can do much good and create a lot of damage. It influences who our children will become and what they believe, so we should wisely choose what media we allow into their hearts and minds. If we don’t manage our media, our media will manage us. It will take our children to unintended and undesirable places. If we are intentional, it can be a wonderful tool to disciple our children with a biblical worldview.

Dr. Josh Mulvihill is the Executive Director of Church and Family Ministry at RenewaNation. He served as a pastor for nearly 20 years and serves on the board of Awana. He holds a Ph.D. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is the author of Biblical Grandparenting, Preparing Children for Marriage, Biblical Worldview, and 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home. Josh is married to Jen, and they have five children. Josh blogs at GospelShapedFamily.com.

ENDNOTES

1. “George Barna: Four Ms to help parents counter impact of social media on kids,” Metro Voice, October 14, 2021, metrovoicenews.com/george-barna-four-ms-to-help-parents-counter-impact-of-social-media-on-kids.
2. Brad Huddleston has some excellent resources on this topic, and I highly recommend you check out his work.