Off to College: 10 Ways Grandparents Can Help Grandchildren Navigate This New Season of Life

By Ruth Carter

Whaaat? They’re going to college this year? Seems like just yesterday she was trying out for the middle school volleyball team and just yesterday, when the friends came over, they were building forts in the woods and snacking on fish crackers. Just yesterday he was asking for a LEGO Star Wars Ultimate Millennium Falcon set…and now you say they’re going to college?

Are any of you grandparents feeling amazed like we are? My husband and I have one grandson out of college, two granddaughters are juniors, and two grandsons are starting as college freshmen this year. The challenging transitions from living at home to a college campus are raw and real. Here are some tips from the Carter playbook for helping grandchildren navigate this new season of life:

1. Grandparents have their place.

In the structure of a healthy, traditional family, grandparents hold a privileged position. It is not usually as the first-line caregiver or a primary influencer in the lives of their grands. The middle generation, our children, their parents, fill that role. Our niche is a circle once-removed. It’s important that grandparents respect that space. The middle generation is the gateway for grandparents to access their grandchildren. Our priority must be to build a relationship with the parents, support their decisions, and never undermine them. We pay a costly price if the relationship with them is broken.

2. Invest in relationship.

It’s a priority to work on relationships with our grandchildren when the grands are young so they have a reason to love, respect, and listen to us when they are older. Investment in their lives comes easily when the grandchildren jump delightedly into our arms for a greeting or snuggle in our lap for a favorite fairytale. But when devices and social media begin to dominate their attention, it feels like we grandparents are not so important anymore. Be patient. Don’t get discouraged. Go the route of personal invitations to breakfast, fishing, golfing, a nice dinner or shopping, and the conversations that ensue will surprise you. As pediatric nurse practitioner, Jessica Peck, says, “Listen with your face.” Put down your own phones. Establish eye contact. Use those opportunities to tell stories from your university days, how you met their grandmother, your fight to resist temptations at school, how your faith became real to you.

3. Encourage a faith-stand early.

If your college grandchildren give you a listening ear, and they have been raised to follow Jesus, encourage them to take a strong stand for Christ early in their college experience. Most other students will respect whatever position fellow students have, as long as they stand for something. It’s the kids who are wishy-washy, who choose to go with the flow, who remain “vanilla” who are easy targets for compromised thinking.

4. Pray regularly.

The road through college is going to be challenging. Just face it. Your grandchild is becoming an adult, much like the striped larva that writhes, twists, and turns to enter that bright green chrysalis. One day it emerges as a beautiful monarch butterfly. The struggle is essential to the process! Our grandchildren will be making decisions that affect their careers, life’s partner, and spiritual journey. What should grandparents do? Pray like you’ve never prayed before! Pray that evil will be so repulsive to them that they will stay far from it. Actually tell them you are praying this for them. If you have a schedule when you pray for them, tell them what days of the week you are particularly remembering them. Ask them to share requests.

5. Show personal interest in their major.

Become familiar with the major your grandchild is pursuing so you can be conversant when you are together. Our oldest grandson was a physics/computer science major. My husband dug deeply into his memories of pre-med chemistry at the University of Illinois so that the two of them could discuss thermodynamics and subatomic particles over lunch when we were together.

6. Become a fan of their school.

Whether you have an interest in school colors, school mascots, school sports, or not, become a fan of them during the years your grand is attending a particular school. It’s a way to show your grandchild you are proud of them and the decision he or she has made to attend that school.

7. Find out how they like to communicate.

As your grandchildren head off to college, ask them what their preferred ways of communication are. Do they like to text or prefer an old-fashioned phone call? Don’t be surprised. Some love handwritten letters. Use that means to reach out with encouragement. If you do try to communicate and don’t get an answer, don’t be offended. Your grandchild is acting normally. Be a constant in their world of continual changes. Send news from home. Keep your messages coming and make them short, positive, and encouraging.

8. Don’t underestimate the power of a care package! 

It’s interesting that some things never change. College kids today love care packages as much as they loved them back in the seventies. I will typically send out a text to take orders: what type of bread would they like? Zucchini, pumpkin, or banana? With or without nuts? With or without chocolate chips? What kind of cookies would sound good? Have a baking day. Pack up the baked goods in plastic wrap and tin foil. Insert a scripture verse.  Place them in plastic shoebox containers for mailing. Always remember to let them know when the package is expected to arrive. College kids are not known for checking their mailboxes unless there is a reason!

9. Resist the urge to bail them out.

Did you notice that handing out money and paying their bills is low on our priority list? Our position has been that finances are primarily a topic between the grandchildren and their parents. Christian personal finance manager Ron Blue said in a recent radio interview, “Don’t leave them money if you haven’t first left them wisdom.” I like that advice. It doesn’t hurt your grands to have to tighten the belt, eat beans and rice, and forgo activities “everyone else is attending”. They will be leaner, finer, tougher, and more effective in their careers at the end of four years, and you will be so proud of them!

10. Trust God’s sovereignty.

God is writing their story. He created them. He has the best plan for their lives. All the worrying in the world will not accomplish anything.

“The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.” Proverbs 20:29

You have much to offer your grandchildren in every season, but especially during their college years. Be close. Be constant. Be there for them.